big update! it’s been a while

Soooo… guess who graduated highschool?

I totally expected to be held back this year. When our principal gave a little speech before we all got our results I was so nervous.

He started with “Good evening everyone!” I answered with a high pitched drawn out “hiiiiiiiiii!” which made my classmate and hopefully friend next to be start laughing (she always laughs at things I say) which made me start laughing, which led to me spending the first minute of listening to that speech with my hand in front of my mouth.

Then we had to go do administration with our classes, turn in our laptops etc.

Then we all got our report cards and we counted to three.

I heard my friend shouting in glee before I even saw my result.

I was so happy for her I immediately started celebrating with her and forgot about my report card for just a second.

En then at the bottom of the first page I saw it:

“Decision: passed”!

Best day of my freaking life.

Graduation was fun too. I read a short text in the church beforehand and then at the graduation we listened to some music and speeches which was nice.

There was a drone flying above us which scared the shit out of tons of people.

I shook my homeroom teachers’ hands, got my diploma, and got the hell out of there after congratulating a few friends.

I of course would have stayed to get shit faced drunk but I was with my mom and sister.

I am sad I’ll lose some friends. I most likely won’t see 80% of them ever again.

Last year was a goddamn fiasco mentally and socially and I honestly don’t want to type that out.

But the thing is. This year I made so many friends that I didn’t have the entirety of last school year.

I regret losing them.

Between the day where we got our results and graduation our class had a barbecue with two of our favorite teachers who are also married.

I had a few drinks, made some dead dad jokes.

The usual when I’m out with my class.

They all see me as an alcoholic because I drink more when I’m with them. It’s because I think they like me more when I’m drunk. I like myself more when I’m drunk too.

I don’t drink that often though. Luckily, I have just enough self preservation to not become an alcoholic.

Next week I’m going to a kind of gay bar with my best friend.

I saw it when I passed by on the train while going to visit my aunt and uncle who just came back from a 6 months long Asia trip. It stood out to me.

Then later my aunt mentioned to me how I should go sometime and how lgbt friendly the place is (my dad’s side of the family is totally on to me)

So I’m taking my friend there.

I ordered some clothes from vinted to wear to it because I don’t have enough summery and going out clothes + I’m kind of having an emotional phase.

Kickstarted by 18 by Anarbor.

I’ll tell you guys how it goes and I’ll post pics of the outfit if it arrives on time!

tdi memes made by me

 LAST EXAM TMRW RAH!!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️🦅🦅🦅‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Started watching All Stars‼️‼️‼️🦅🦅🗣️🗣️🗣️

I started watching Total drama all stars today. 

My biggest note is how insanely disgusting it was to see Alejandro flirting with Gwen. I spent the entire time watching in a constant state of cringe and disgust which I have encapsulated in a meme.

I also finally started really liking Zoe?? It’s probably a little weird that I didn’t have this already after watching revenge of the island but I just gained so much respect for her after seeing how she’s respectful and understanding of Mike’s DID and she very naturally recognizes his alters as different people even though they’re in Mike’s’ body. She even rejects Manitoba’s casual advances.

When “The Malevolent One” was introduced I could only think of one thing.

“OH MY GOD IT’S WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT… THEY MADE HIM EMO!!!!”

He’s the embodiment of “One eye being covered by bangs = evil”

I also think his raspy voice is really funny and sounds like Jojo Siwa 💀💀

Alejandro snatches Heather

my tiktok

 Originally posted on my tiktok

nightmares and stress

 The closer I get to the end of my exams, the worse my anxiety gets. 

I spiral daily because I’m terrified of not graduating. I keep getting stress acne and losing weight.

I’ve also started getting nightmares.

Last week I had a nightmare about missing my ortho exam and last night I had a nightmare about me and my friend getting sexually assaulted. 

When I woke up this morning from that nightmare (around four am) I was unable to go back to sleep, paralyzed with fear. 

I was ice cold because I had somehow in my sleep unzipped the jacket I was wearing and took my arms out of the sleeves.

I felt little kid afraid of the dark, I hid my head under the covers afraid of a non existent monster in my room.

I haven’t experienced a fear of the dark like this in years.

The stress from my exams are making me unrecognizable to myself.

I really, really do hope I graduate and this all won’t be wasted.

I’m not sure of how my law exam went and I don’t want to think about it.

Tomorrow I have my religions exam and my oral English exam.

I think religions will go fine and English amazing (the teacher is a-ma-zing)

I promise I’ll start posting more total drama content soon.

I didn’t realize how much I really needed an outlet for my emotions and once I started writing I didn’t stop.

Wish me luck on my exams tomorrow.

Goodnight

sleep tight

don’t let the darkness in your room bite 

May beetles and fear of not graduating

 Well guys, I’m completely terrified.

I think I’m going to fail my law exam tomorrow. I’m praying to every god in existence that I won’t get held back this year. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than graduate.

I’ve been working myself to the bone and getting less than average results.

Over the last two weeks I’ve gotten pimples, a boil, fever and nausea all from the stress of my finals.

I even lost THREE KG while I’ve been eating like an ex bodybuilder (I’m a huge stress eater)

Today while studying I heard my mom’s boyfriend calling her name and whenever he needs help with something she takes ages to reply so I always try to go see what’s up.

Turns out, there was a may bug outside! That’s what we call them (meikever) but I think in English they’re also called dor-beatles.

I’m not sure about the rest of the world but here in Belgium they’re extinct. I haven’t seen one in years.

My grandparents always get some in their yard I think, because when I was very little they’d bring one a year to me and we’d release it in my backyard.

I think I might get a may beatle tattooed one day. 

I hope my exam goes well enough tomorrow, all I need is a fifty percent.

I’m writing this at half past twelve and I gotta be up in less than six hours to study some more.

Guess I’ll waste precious time I could use for sleeping on reading some tdi fanfiction.

Goodnight guys (There’s no one reading this lol)

Don’t let the bed may beetles bite.

Wow! First post!

I'm writing this as I'm taking a break from studying for finals. I'm gonna have to figure out how to make the lay-out look good and no too 2003 lol.

I might do an about me post or ad it to my page, not really sure yet.